Bonanza City Needs an Arbitrator

I'm not even half-way through this episode and this much is clear:  Bonanza City needs an arbitrator.  JAMS, AAA, whatever, these kids need help.  Keeping with the concept, they could pull in a child arbitrator.  I knew some nerdy but good "Peer Mediators" in middle school.  Maybe these are still around?  Also, maybe the arbitrator could bring some scissors because all the boys need haircuts. 

Facebook Flop?

Also, just as an FYI, I added the KN facebook app.  So far, I don't believe it does a SINGLE DAMN THING.  It let me pick a thumbnail pic (and I, of course, chose Alex (Colton wasn't a choice)) but then I see no evidence of this at all on my profile.  If any of you were considering adding it, it might not be worth the effort. 

Sign me up

I have bad news for you all (and for me).  The deadline for signing up to try-out for Kid Nation 2 was October 9.  Even though I probably would have aged out (I'm not expert, but I don't think I qualify for a kid), I'm still a little disappointed.  Becky and I would have been bad ass on that show!  As upset as I am about it, there are others out there who seemed to have wanted it more.  From the CBS message boards (you know I love them):

 

"Dude, I just anna be on Kid Nation, it's all that I really want.  Well, that and the iPod Touch." 

 

I'd probably rank my life goals in that order too. 

Another Reason to Drink

Jana pointed out that I incorrectly referred to the stones as bricks. I don't know why I did this, but it doesn't really matter. On to something more important...

Thank you to all our commenters! I know there are a lot of people who watch KN, but most seem to be the type of people who would post a thread on the cbs message board called "Greg's labeto" (seriously!) and that doesn't make me feel any better about my obsession. Your comments help ease the pain. And there is a lot of pain b/c even our friends make fun of us. But the best part about our commenters is that one of them created this masterpiece:

Kid Nation Drinking Game (by JD Beebe and friends)
drink when:
1. Taylor says something sassy and/or bitchy
2. Anytime Anjay gets demoralized, dehumanized or immasculated
3. Anytime Elmer Fudd (red head girl) says something with speech impediment
4. Anytime Mike goes fucking ballistic (and shows insecurities about lackluster real life)
5. every time we see a new kid
6. Every time crazy ass Jared does/says something nuts
7. Every time one tooth Alex says anything vastly beyond his years
8. DRINK TWICE- when they drink at the bar
9. Every time host has sad realization of his failed career
10. Every time they show a job not done
11. Every time you see a cold sore (limited to one drink per kid)
12. Every time the kids look like they're freezing their cocks off
13. Every time time they try to use what they interpret to be adult reasoning which is actually just fucking stupid logic
14. Every time time someone mentions mom
15. Every time there is sexual tension and/or possibly a boner
16. Every time the sick twisted hand of nature shits on Bonanza City

Thanks for sending this in. P.S. Jana, this means that anonymous commenters have posted more than you today, so get your act together.

Crunching the #s

These were the final numbers from the challenge:
Blue: 480 lbs.
Yellow: 460 lbs.
Green: 420 lbs.
Red: 485 lbs.

I have never worked as a bricklayer (I'm guessing Greg did for a year or two in between the butcher job and that sprinkler systems gig) but I'd guess that a brick weighs about 5 lbs. That means that just a few bricks separate each team. The red team probably had ONE BRICK more than the blue team. That is totally insignificant! Also, if the order went 420-460-480-485, then maybe you could make the argument that people were too concerned with their own position, but that clearly wasn't the case here. It's not like the rules said each team must carry 100 bricks and green strolled in with 50 to get first place! Newsflash: Green got third place. They obvs thought they had enough. Ok, I think I've taken this far enough. My point is that Guylan should have known that it generally isn't the best idea to call people out when they just hauled 50 mallories of bricks (well, more like 46) in exchange for 15 cents, a break from homeschooling, and infinite boredom. How can a city succeed if its leaders do not know such universal truths?

Sophia vs. Guylan

OK, maybe she shouldn't have said it, but she gave Guylan a genuine apology. These kids have bibles now so they should be all about forgiveness. Also, Guylan went on and on about the other teams not carrying enough rocks, but red really only had like 5-10 pounds more than the other teams (and still under 500, right?) so he was asking for it. Case closed.

Guylan is unsmart

Both halves of this episode had everyone hating on Guylan. The Sophia swearing incident was more dramatic, but I think I liked the first one better. To recap:

Everyone is a free agent and Guylan has a chance to make a beneficial trade. And he chooses Nathan, arguably the weirdest kid in BCity. Guylan's reasoning: Nathan is intelligent and strong.

The red team is PISSED, especially Markelle (later seen wearing a "hi my name is trouble" t-shirt and his signature jaunty cap) and Jared. Jared points out that Nathan sings in his sleep. Not a positive attribute when you are sleeping on the floor of a bunkhouse and have to wake up at 5am for a day of manual labor.

Does Guylan say anything to inspire his team and get them to rally around their new member (like Anjay successfully did for the blue team with Emilie)? NO! Right in front of Nathan, Guylan says, "I know you guys hate him." That was mean, which is why I don't feel bad making fun of a 10 year old on my blog (Guylan deserves it--- sorry anonymous). Ok where was I...oh yes, then Jared menacingly waved around that lollypop pimp cane (see photo) and gave Guylan one piece of advice- "lock your cell door tonight." Amazing.

The other great part of this scene was Mike (who got waaay better in this episode) saying "all he does is haul water.....just stating the facts." Then ALEX got into the mix. "I don't like Guylan. He's totally unsmart." If Alex thinks it, then you KNOW it's the truth.

I didn't pay much attention after this scene because my friend came over and he has NEVER SEEN KID NATION and I kept feeling the need to point out Alex and Jared anytime they appeared in the background. Also, have you guys noticed that it's getting increasingly necessary to rewind to be able to actually hear what these kids are saying. Next week's reward should be a speech therapist.

The red team is dusty

New clues for my ongoing diagnosis of Nathan

- cleaned every jar in the store
- freaked out about changing teams mainly because blue is his favorite color, not red
- allergic to dustmites
- Guylan thinks he is intelligent and strong
- sings in his sleep
- hates change (quote: "I hate change")
- wears shorts when everyone else is in parkas (also- crocs)

(this list is mainly for my benefit. I am really trying to figure this out.)

COULD THEY BE ANY MORE WRONG?!?!?

Quotes from tonight that prompt me to wonder if these kids had frontier-microwaved cocoa for breakfast or crack: 

 

Emilie:  "Nobody's the coolest kid here.  We're all equal." (See my post about lies parents tell their nerdy/wimpy kids) Also notable, her later quote:  "Trust me, I'll pick up my game."

 

Michael:  "Does anyone else think the gold star will significantly increase their sex appeal?" (shudder)

 

Guylan:  "I wear my bandana in a really cool way."  (Okay--I made this one up)

 

Zach:  "The Yellow District.  They're just a bunch of girls.  Including Colton..." (WATCH IT)

 

Greg:  "Laurel didn't trade any of her teammembers.  She has THE strongest team!"  (Ummm...didn't they lose approx EVERY showdown until the last one?)

 

Nathan:  "The red boys' bunk is kind of dusty."  (Ummm...you are in the middle of the desert.)

 

Shout-outs: 

1.  Alex's mini-breakdown.  When Alex gets pissed you know something is wrong. 

2.  Jared's emotional jail cell scene (note the pimp cane reappearance).

3.  Loved it every time Mike owned Guylan. 

 

Fashionable Kid Nation Parent Alert

Of course I am talking about Kennedy's mom. Pink cardigan, pink hair bow (in the classic Minnie Mouse style) and pearls. Also, her phone has some kind of hanging decorative charm that I think is a cross. Her adornments make me want to move to the south.

Oh and since they are going to mix up the teams anyway, here is what I think they should look like:

UPPER CLASS: Greg, Blaine, Sophia, Michael, Alex, Jared, DK, Laurel, Campbell, Pharoah.
MERCHANTS: Kennedy, Divad, Savannah, Mallory, Hunter, Leila, Migle, Markelle, Morgan, Natasha
COOKS: Colton, Brett, Emilie, Eric, Gianna, Jasmine, Madison, Maggie, Randi, Sophie
LOWER CLASS: Zach, Olivia, Kelsey, Mike, Anjay, Nathan, Guylan, Taylor