Some Comments About the Letters

Jared's 4 yo sister wrote him a really long letter. 4 YEARS OLD! This should surprise no one. If you're going to memorize Shakespeare at age 9, you'd better start reading at 2. I hadn't even heard of Shakespeare until middle school.

Olivia's letter was TYPED. Can we really blame her for her lack of compassion? Who types a letter to their kid, especially when they sent that kid to ye olde child labor ghost town?

Why do these kids care what their dogs/baby brothers/parents are up to? When I went to camp, I totally cared more about WRITING letters, mainly to tell stories (kids are self-centered) and to complain. It's not a coincidence that the kids are only allowed to talk to their parents immediately after getting a check for $20k; obviously you'd be less likely to complain the minute after that happens. Imagine if they could write at any time? How would you, as a hypothetical parent, react to the following news:

Hi Mom and Dad. I opened up a store. Some kid pushed over my store. Then I burned my face with oil. - Divad

Hi, I wished someone happy birthday and the bigger kids yelled at me. Also, one kid called me a girl. - Pharoah

Namaste. Olivia is going to kill me. I'm afraid. Send help. - Anjay

Shalom! I just got deposed. - Zach

I was sexually harassed on the street. - Natasha

Hey y'all. They make me do dishes. - Taylor

p.s. Look at Kelsey in that picture. She is the only one who didn't get covered in pie. LEAST FAVORITE. Woah, I just noticed that her letter is typed too. What is wrong with these parents??

I'm Still Mad About The Ponies

Do you guys realize how much better the rest of the episodes would be if they had chosen the ponies? Colton obvs would teach kids how to lasso them. Pony rides. Pony races. Pony dress-up. Maybe one of the ponies is a wild mustang pony and Emily could tame it. ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES. I am seriously upset about this.

Why are there only 60 minutes in an hour?

There just is never enough time for all the goodness KN has to offer.  As such, the deleted scenes are a MUST.  Check out this week's gold star nominations:

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/kid_nation/video.php?mode=episodes&episode=10&showid=170441&autostart=1   At the end of the episode on Wednesday, one of the Councilmen said, "We thought hard about giving it to nobody!"  And I thought, wow, what a dick move that would have been!  But then, after seeing this clip, a bunch of people actually suggested that nobody get it (notably, Campbell and Olivia, among others).  Have the kids of KN lost their shiny gold-star worthiness? 

 

You know I've never had a problem with Laurel.  She seems like a pretty good kid, notwithstanding her "12 going on 38"ness.  But did she really deserve the gold star?  No (and I say this with full knowledge that Colton voted for her).  It was a consolation prize.  But here is where Kid Nation meets Survivor--it was strategy.  She's clearly still got the Green District wrapped around her little finger and the Council needed to make peace with her, while Hunter gets slighted yet again. Maybe the boys on the Council have learned that you catch more flies with sugar than honey--aka--bribe Laurel as opposed to harassing the Town women. 

kid nation mockery

Right after I posted that, my dad asked me if I wanted pez. I assumed he was making fun of me for watching kid nation, but no, he really bought pez. I'd rather have a pony. Who still buys pez?

The green team all raising their hands in disapproval reminded me of when those guys did the black power salute in the olympics.

Oh where did those kids get parasols btw?

stupid phonographs

Do the pies have any significance? Even a fake significance? Also, did you notice how Blaine initially put television FIRST, meaning he thought it was invented before the radio, typewriter, telephone, etc.? That was my favorite part. Second favorite- Pharoah repeatedly messing up the "communication training." Also loved Greg, Blaine, and DK becoming the town sexual harrassers. Why no pioneer journal this week? I AM SO MAD THAT THE TOWN COUNCIL DIDN'T PICK THE PONIES. This is worse than the bible decision. Ha, did you notice how Hunter's letter from his approx. 6 year-old brother mentioned playing with guns. YES. Ok, I am still mad about the ponies. The show isn't even over yet, but I said I'd help my mom polish silver and my family is not supportive of my kid nation habit, apparently. Maybe will post more later. HAPPY THANKSGIVING KID NATION FANS.

Bonanza City Needs an Arbitrator

I'm not even half-way through this episode and this much is clear:  Bonanza City needs an arbitrator.  JAMS, AAA, whatever, these kids need help.  Keeping with the concept, they could pull in a child arbitrator.  I knew some nerdy but good "Peer Mediators" in middle school.  Maybe these are still around?  Also, maybe the arbitrator could bring some scissors because all the boys need haircuts. 

Facebook Flop?

Also, just as an FYI, I added the KN facebook app.  So far, I don't believe it does a SINGLE DAMN THING.  It let me pick a thumbnail pic (and I, of course, chose Alex (Colton wasn't a choice)) but then I see no evidence of this at all on my profile.  If any of you were considering adding it, it might not be worth the effort. 

Sign me up

I have bad news for you all (and for me).  The deadline for signing up to try-out for Kid Nation 2 was October 9.  Even though I probably would have aged out (I'm not expert, but I don't think I qualify for a kid), I'm still a little disappointed.  Becky and I would have been bad ass on that show!  As upset as I am about it, there are others out there who seemed to have wanted it more.  From the CBS message boards (you know I love them):

 

"Dude, I just anna be on Kid Nation, it's all that I really want.  Well, that and the iPod Touch." 

 

I'd probably rank my life goals in that order too. 

Another Reason to Drink

Jana pointed out that I incorrectly referred to the stones as bricks. I don't know why I did this, but it doesn't really matter. On to something more important...

Thank you to all our commenters! I know there are a lot of people who watch KN, but most seem to be the type of people who would post a thread on the cbs message board called "Greg's labeto" (seriously!) and that doesn't make me feel any better about my obsession. Your comments help ease the pain. And there is a lot of pain b/c even our friends make fun of us. But the best part about our commenters is that one of them created this masterpiece:

Kid Nation Drinking Game (by JD Beebe and friends)
drink when:
1. Taylor says something sassy and/or bitchy
2. Anytime Anjay gets demoralized, dehumanized or immasculated
3. Anytime Elmer Fudd (red head girl) says something with speech impediment
4. Anytime Mike goes fucking ballistic (and shows insecurities about lackluster real life)
5. every time we see a new kid
6. Every time crazy ass Jared does/says something nuts
7. Every time one tooth Alex says anything vastly beyond his years
8. DRINK TWICE- when they drink at the bar
9. Every time host has sad realization of his failed career
10. Every time they show a job not done
11. Every time you see a cold sore (limited to one drink per kid)
12. Every time the kids look like they're freezing their cocks off
13. Every time time they try to use what they interpret to be adult reasoning which is actually just fucking stupid logic
14. Every time time someone mentions mom
15. Every time there is sexual tension and/or possibly a boner
16. Every time the sick twisted hand of nature shits on Bonanza City

Thanks for sending this in. P.S. Jana, this means that anonymous commenters have posted more than you today, so get your act together.

Crunching the #s

These were the final numbers from the challenge:
Blue: 480 lbs.
Yellow: 460 lbs.
Green: 420 lbs.
Red: 485 lbs.

I have never worked as a bricklayer (I'm guessing Greg did for a year or two in between the butcher job and that sprinkler systems gig) but I'd guess that a brick weighs about 5 lbs. That means that just a few bricks separate each team. The red team probably had ONE BRICK more than the blue team. That is totally insignificant! Also, if the order went 420-460-480-485, then maybe you could make the argument that people were too concerned with their own position, but that clearly wasn't the case here. It's not like the rules said each team must carry 100 bricks and green strolled in with 50 to get first place! Newsflash: Green got third place. They obvs thought they had enough. Ok, I think I've taken this far enough. My point is that Guylan should have known that it generally isn't the best idea to call people out when they just hauled 50 mallories of bricks (well, more like 46) in exchange for 15 cents, a break from homeschooling, and infinite boredom. How can a city succeed if its leaders do not know such universal truths?