Conspiracy Theories

This episode was even more unbelievable than the normal level of ridiculousness I have come to expect from the Kid Nation producers.

Why couldn't the TC be back in time for the challenge? They got one crappy piece of advice from those fake Native Americans; there was no need to stay as long as they did. Also, Sheriff Sophia was clearly a plot-furthering device. I hate being lied to by children's programming.

Most importantly, I think the reward challenge was fixed. According to the on-screen clock, all 4 teams took 20 minutes to carry their roofs. The leading teams took 20 more minutes to carry the walls and then it seemed like they were moving almost as slowly with the alpaca, chickens, etc. Yellow finished the house with only two minutes left but still got everything done in time. I don't buy it! FIXED.

I have other conspiracy theories too but I have to go do a conference call. Having a kid nation blog is harder if you are an adult!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Where did those goats come from? And since when is an alpaca a pioneer necessity? Will that BCity monument be buried with the miniature golf course and the real laundry machines? I have lots of unanswered questions, as always.

I would like to state for the record that Kid Nation II needs to have all the younger siblings of this season's kids. Alex's brother is even cuter than Alex!! And you know that Jared's sister (author of that epic letter) will be just as entertaining as him. Didn't DK mention 6 siblings? Bring them all! I can't wait.

My favorite moment in this episode was when the kids were all arguing about the reward choice and suddenly the camera cut to Pharoah just saying "AHHHHHHHHH." I think he added a lot to the discourse.

Alex's Femur is Smarter Than Kelsey

OK, how stupid was it that the hot air balloons just flew over the fake town? What kind of great prize is that? Not that great if you ask me. How about some better scenery? Re: the other reward choice--- the monument is worthless because it would be in the middle of the desert in a fake ghost town and no one would ever see it (unless they happened to be taking one of those thrilling five minute balloon rides). And it was kinda small. Monuments should be giant (shoutout to the Lincoln memorial). Worst reward choices ever! But I guess if these ingrates are going to abandon previous prizes (locking the arcade, probably not brushing their teeth, NEVER reading the bibles, etc.) then I don't feel too sorry for them.

All I have to say about Sophia's plot of land experiment is that it was so funny that she was defending her land by sitting on a stool wielding a broom (see above photo). Bonus points for the creative weapon choice. She should have gotten a quick lesson about homesteading from Jared before that stunt. He could've helped her beef up her argument.

I am less impressed with Alex's knowledge of linguistics and carbon dating (and the word "paradox") than I am with the fact that he understands the true value of $20,000. That kid rules! May his children and grandchildren enjoy that money!

Oh, I really liked that scene where the yellow team girls were trying to one-up each other with their injuries. I think Leila said her back hurt and then Taylor said her finger was broken. Not to be outdone, that other girl said that it felt like her knee was cut off. Random girl for the win!

Memo to Zach: this is Kid Nation, not 60 yo man nation. Stop acting like someone's wacky grandpa. Quit singing. Quit talking in weird whispery voices.

p.s. i am going to post again tmw with some conspiracy theories!!

The Only Thing it Proves is How She is Awful (aka another reason I'm anti-sophia)

Kid Nation is an experiment to test the ability of kids to run a "nation".  It is not Sophia's laboratory for her Psych 101 class.  She's always pulling this "my theory" crap.  Remember the kettle of goopy stuff with some nickels at the bottom? That was to test one of her brilliant theories (ie people will do anything for money).  Reaching your hand into a sloppy mess isn't that outlandish.  If I recall, it was all food in the kettle--nothing that vile.  And after kids reach in for the dough, she gets that smug-ass look on her face as though she knew it all along.  And tonight she blocks off a piece of land to test her theory that, if they can't have it, kids will want to have it even more.  And when kids get pissed [Note:  I'm a little sketchy here. The power went out and my dvr missed approx 2 min of footage] she, in a mighty self-satisfactory maner, believes it proves her theory.  Yet, it's only because the kids legit think she's being awful.  And they are not alone.  I join them in this camp. 

Sheriff Sophia

I hope Sophia lets power corrupt her and starts making some major changes to BCity. My predictions: assigned reading, book reports, separation of church and state, upper class will now be determined by an IQ test, and the entire yellow team is banished to that cave where they found $18 worth of greed.

P.S. I don't think either of us mentioned DANCEMAN yet and since it was the funniest 15 seconds in the history of television, I feel the need to mention it on the record. That is all.

A Note about Rewards

Why is the reward always a choice between an actual reward and something that is so clearly NOT a reward?  A library full of encyclopedias and text books is not a reward.  Harry Potter and comic books might be considered a reward, but I didn't notice any of those in the crate.  Dental hygiene products?  ALSO not a reward.  Using a toothbrush is not fun, even if it is an electric toothbrush.  A reward should be something that makes Mallory look like this:

 

She did not look like this when they showed the books.  Please take my point, CBS. 

 

Book Learnin'

"Education is the root of civilization. If a person is uneducated, they'll be flipping burgers at the supermarket." Wait a minute Jared, do they even have burgers at the supermarket?

Ok, I am super busy, but I really need to talk about this "history of Bonanza City" letdown. I assumed that CBS got some college intern to make up a fake history of this fake town. Imagine my disappointment when it turned out to just be a history of the local Native Americans. Not cool.

Also, how hard is it to sit in a room and listen to a kid read to you from a fake book? Answer: not hard. Especially when the alternative is sitting around in a chicken coop. What I'm saying is that Taylor is dumb. Maybe if she liked learning, she'd have learned some basic logic by now.

Did you guys hear when the host guy told the kids they are "good students and good shooters." FALSE!! Zach thought there was an Indian tribe called the pintos and Mike wasted all the red team's ammo. Hunter is an aberration, but that could be expected b/c of his experience with guns. Also, his name is Hunter.

10 chickens, 1 ax, 10 heads

CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE PART 2, y'all!!! Emilie has a new ally in Taylor. And another ally in Kelsey because she is a lackey. Wait, does it count as civil disobedience if they advocate the killing of ugly chickens? That would be like if MLK said to disenfranchise Asians, right?

Be honest guys- when did you first know about pi?? I think I first heard of it in high school and I am really good at math!! Alex is trying to out-nerd Jared, but it is hard to compete with Jared's knowledge of extraterrestrials/weird hat. Anjay can only look on in defeat; he has been thoroughly out-nerded. Next week Alex will probably mention L'Hopital's Rule or polar coordinates or...um those are all the calculus terms i can remember. Basically what I'm saying is that "Anjay the genius" would so lose in a chess game against either Alex or Jared.

Ok, I didn't start watching this until midnight because sometimes I have a life outside of kid nation, but I'll post more tomorrow.

Jauntiest Cap Award....

....goes to Markelle.  See below. 

 

 

This kid has, time and time again, proven himself worthy of this highly prestigious award.  See also

 

 

He even wears ski hats with pizazz:

 

 

Finally, we all know some people are born talented and others have to work at it.  It seems jauntiness is in Markelle's genes.  Check out this family picture:

 

 

Shout out to Julie for first noticing Markelle's jaunty cap.

Some Comments About the Letters

Jared's 4 yo sister wrote him a really long letter. 4 YEARS OLD! This should surprise no one. If you're going to memorize Shakespeare at age 9, you'd better start reading at 2. I hadn't even heard of Shakespeare until middle school.

Olivia's letter was TYPED. Can we really blame her for her lack of compassion? Who types a letter to their kid, especially when they sent that kid to ye olde child labor ghost town?

Why do these kids care what their dogs/baby brothers/parents are up to? When I went to camp, I totally cared more about WRITING letters, mainly to tell stories (kids are self-centered) and to complain. It's not a coincidence that the kids are only allowed to talk to their parents immediately after getting a check for $20k; obviously you'd be less likely to complain the minute after that happens. Imagine if they could write at any time? How would you, as a hypothetical parent, react to the following news:

Hi Mom and Dad. I opened up a store. Some kid pushed over my store. Then I burned my face with oil. - Divad

Hi, I wished someone happy birthday and the bigger kids yelled at me. Also, one kid called me a girl. - Pharoah

Namaste. Olivia is going to kill me. I'm afraid. Send help. - Anjay

Shalom! I just got deposed. - Zach

I was sexually harassed on the street. - Natasha

Hey y'all. They make me do dishes. - Taylor

p.s. Look at Kelsey in that picture. She is the only one who didn't get covered in pie. LEAST FAVORITE. Woah, I just noticed that her letter is typed too. What is wrong with these parents??