Someone made a kid nation drinking game!!!

I am always really glad to see that we are not the only 4 normal adults who appreciate the brilliance of this show. The Kid Nation Drinking Game gives me faith in humanity.

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2007/11/kid_nation_the_drinking_game

Those kids really are always mentioning George Bush! Sophia is always telling it like it is! And I think there are at least 15 kids who haven't spoken yet.

Anyway, we totally have to do this. I think we need to add in something about Pharoah to get Julie to participate. Also, I am going to drink anytime the following things happen:

- Greg shows his softer side (like by wearing a dress!)
- Mike adds 14 extra syllables to a word
- Kelsey fails to correctly conjugate a verb
- Nathan exhibits signs of OCD
- Any kid wears his/her bandana in a way we haven't seen before (hopefully Guylan will come through on this one)
- Kelsey tries to be someone else's sidekick (she has already tried and failed with Taylor and Divad)

Mo Money, Mo Problems

So, the contrived theme of this week's episode was money. The town council found a treasure chest, aka "$18.50 worth of greed." Knowing that the kids would just "blow it all on stupid things," the TC decided to buy necessities, like a guitar and some kites. Um, ok.

I want a goose to lay golden eggs for Easter....
Two things about the showdown: the red team needs to stop making serious tactical errors and the host doesn't know the definition of money laundering. Poor guy is probs developmentally disabled and getting paid $2 a day to host this shit. That's FORTY NICKELS.

Side note: why can't Kelsey conjugate verbs or tell the difference b/w nouns and verbs or do whatever it is she can't do? This week's quote: "He was trying to competing." Maybe instead of spending all her time trying desperately to be someone's sidekick, she should read a book. I think I know where she can find a bible. Or maybe she can read something else, because we all know she doesn't know a lot about Muslim or Jewish.

The Bill Gates of Bonanza City

Finally someone formed a legitimate business. Previous entrepreneurial schemes, such as Sophia's street dancing, Mallory's doll sitting, and The Kind Potato Girl's reselling of free food were not impressive. But HOLY BANANA BREAD, selling necklaces was an awesome idea. Jared walking around with his new duds and lollypop pimp cane was the best part of this episode. Well, that and all the crazy shit he said, such as "there's a bonfire in my pocket and it's burning to be spent." Jared never disappoints. Did y'all catch him flashing the peace sign?

Also, shoutout to Alex for continuing to be the cutest kid. That clip of him screaming was beyond adorable. So what if his logic is a little wacky--- that kid rules.

Reasons Guylan is the Worst

I doubt there are many among you, avid readers, that were swayed by Becky's recent post in defense of Guylan, but just in case....

 

REASONS GUYLAN IS THE WORST: 

 

10.  BAD ANALOGIES.  "Power is very difficult to handle. Power is like holding a cobra, one wrong move and it bites. However, if handled with care it can be a great asset and experience."  Since when has holding a cobra ever been considered a great asset? The cobra itself is the asset, sure, and holding it might be a good experience, but that was just shitty phrasing.   

 

9.  RED SCARE.  "Fidel Castro is a world leader that I admire"

 

8.  WEIRD.  "Do you have a favorite drink? Anything that sparkles."  Sparkles?  Like sparkling apple cider?  You're 11 so that is pretty much the limit. 

 

7.  NERD.  "Who are your best friends? Zach is a very good friend of mine. He and I play very complicated games that can take days."  Like D&D? Magic the Gathering?

 

6.  WIMP.  "What would people be surprised to learn about you? I think that a lot of people would be surprised to learn that after being raised by two elephant trainers that I'm afraid of little spiders. Tarantulas don't bother me but little wolf spiders and daddy long-legs creep me out. However I don't go around killing them for no reason. Instead I run away screaming like a little girl."  No, really? 

 

5.  I'm sure there are a million more but I'm out of time, being the serious legal professional that I am, so I'll just skip to....

 

The Number One reason Guylan is the worst:  THAT STUPID WAY HE WEARS HIS BANDANA (see a few posts below). 

 

Weak Links

Obviously GregAndBlaine are a force to be reckoned with. And some nerd challenges let the nerds shine. But what I don't get is why the kids are so bad at recognizing their weak links and not letting them mess everything up. In this week's challenge, the red team sent Emily as their first person to look for the cans. WHY? She is obvs not going to be that good at it. Maybe she told them that she also tames wild pigs? So yeah, these kids are never going to build a town if they keep making such poor choices.

1880s technology

What is the point of that over-the-neck water carrier contraption that looks like a guillotine? It still only holds two normal buckets, the same that two hands could hold, and it ends up causing way more spills. Inefficient. They use it every episode. This picture is from two weeks ago, but I definitely spotted it last night.

This is almost as bad as the "frontier microwave" (which has never been shown since that fateful decision) or the old-tyme phone used to spread the news that 1-6 children can now go to college. I thought the journal was my least favorite thing, but now I have decided that I hate that ridiculous phone even more.

Crying Nation

Wasn't it sweet that everyone cried when DK said he was leaving, even cold-hearted Olivia who then had to console her child (Mallory). Other criers included Taylor, 2 kids I have never seen before, Leila (what else is new! she cries approx. 8 times an episode) and yeah basically everyone (except Colton probably).

Commemorative Buffalo Nickel #6: That fauhawk kid splayed across the barrel after a freak soda fight accident.

Point/Counterpoint: A Defense of Guylan

He is not awful, he is just weird in a home schooled way. Also, he lived on a zoo! That has to mess you up. His only friends were zebras and tiger cubs-- cut him some slack. He is not used to being around kids, so he didn't know that it is ok to not be great at digging a ditch when you are 11.

I totally agree with you about Anjay though. In fact, here is a list of ways Anjay embarrassed himself in this episode:
- Getting called out by Sophia for letting the girls do all the work
- Lame fight with Taylor. Someone arrest him for false imprisonment and/or teach him how to fight.
- The quote about his bones, obviously.
- He always looked like he was about to throw up

My parents say I look good in braces!

Last night reminded me of all those kids in elementary school who were naive enough to believe their parents' lies, told to soften the often biting harshness of reality.  Example:  Anjay was sucking it up at the challenge.  His team members are visibly pissed.  Off-screen he explains:  "I'm not very good at physical activity.  I haven't built much muscle because my bones are still forming!" Obviously something Mom said when he cried for repeatedly getting picked last for any sports team.  I'm sure my boy Colton's bones are still forming (it's doubtful he'll be 4'8" the rest of his life) but he was in there grabbing cans like it was nobody's business.

 

Also, shout out to Alex for taking pride in where his strengths lie instead of making flimsy excuses.  "I never give up, though," he explained.  But then he lost some credibility in my book when he followed it up with, "unless it's beyond hope."  So he never gives up unless he thinks he should give up. 

 

Additionally--did anyone else think Greg was going to break his neck diving into the bean tank head-first?  You're not supposed to do that in 4 feet of water, let alone 4 INCHES. 

 

For the record, I would like to state that Guylan is awful.  The worst part about him is that he does not know he is awful. 

A Choice Between Mother Earth and Fossil Fuels

Upon unveiling a shed containing approximately 18 items, the host said it was "every fruit and vegetable imaginable." Um, what? The other day I bought pluots and kiwi berries (tiny tiny kiwis that you can eat without peeling) and I didn't see those. I didn't even see regular plums or apricots (although kiwis did play a prominent role in the dramatic fruit salad scene). The best parts of the Kid Nation Fruit/Veg Frenzy are as follows:

5) guylan eating corn (uncooked???)
4) some kid gnawing on a cucumber
3) the fact that someone chose a carrot instead of something better (ie, anything but a carrot)
2) the producers' decision to include artichokes as one of the 18 items. like kids know how to cook those.
1) someone off camera yelling "I GOT A PEAR!!!!!!!!"