bonanza withdrawl

I am on a plane. Sending good thoughts to the Jew crew. Cannot wait to watch this shit.

Commemorative Buffalo Nickels

Why? To commemorate key events in Bonanza City history.
How Often Will These Coins Be Issued? Once a week.
What All-Powerful Body Will Choose The Images? Me.
What Will Be On These Coins?
- Buffalo Nickel #1 will contain several images of children crying. This is because everyone cried in week one.
- Buffalo Nickel #2 will celebrate the first act of civil disobedience in Bonanza City by depicting Emilie and those other girls locking themselves in the chicken coop.  Remember, injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. 
- For Buffalo Nickel #3, I had to go with the image of Mike(??) drinking out of a bottle and triumphantly holding up his other arm/pointing one finger in the air.  I am too lazy to find a picture of this and too embarrassed to post the picture I took Friday night of me imitating it.  This was a tough decision so I'm thinking about also issuing a limited edition commemorative haypenny showing Chef Colton running around spilling flour everywhere.

Also, if you pre-order the whole collection, you will get your very own pioneer journal to store them in.  $19.95 plus s/h.

Sidekicks

Three weeks into the show and we see some clear social order shaking itself out.  This post is dedicated to the sidekicks.  You don't hear much from/about these kids themselves, but they play a vital role in boosting the egos of those who need it the least.  In this case, the arrogant are Taylor and Greg.  Their support staff? 

 

Sidekick #1:  Leila

Most-often seen:  Giggling and avoiding work with Taylor

Glam-shot: 

What she really looks like:

Highlights from her bio:

What would people be surprised to learn about you?

People would be very surprised that I was on "Kid Nation".  (Not really--they are reading that on your Kid Nation bio, so that cat's pretty much out of the bag.)

 

What have you learned about power:  I have learned that if you are not a good leader, people will not like you.  (Thanks for the lesson, Beauty Queen T.)

 

Sidekick #2:  Blaine

Glam-shot: 

Most often seen:  Doing rootbeer/vanilla car bombs and giggling with Greg.

He really looks like this: 

Highlights from his bio:

What is your favorite quote?

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13. (Did NOT see the religious reference coming from this guy.)

 

What world leader do you admire?

God.  (And he gets me with it again.  Forshadowing for next week?  I predict GOD SQUAD for Blaine.  What will Greg say?) 

 

It's not like it has done that much for Panama

Where to even begin with Taylor? Her attempts to starve the other kids? Her crush on Greg (she votes for him EVERY week)? Her thoughts on bossiness/George Bush? No, we need to start with her answer to the question: "Who have been some of the worst U.S. presidents, and why?" because part of that answer was:

Bill Clinton because he lowered the country's moral. Jimmy Carter because he gave away the Panama Canal.

THE PANAMA CANAL!!!! Didn't America stop caring about the Panama Canal after we no longer needed it as a shortcut for ships going to California for the Gold Rush? I have NEVER heard Canalgate '77 mentioned as a major event and I took at least 2 history classes in college. I hate Jimmy Carter as much as anyone, but that's based on rational reasons like his alleged antisemitism and my hatred of humanitarianism.

What about Hoover? What about the Teapot Dome guy? Andrew Jackson and the trail of tears? W?? Didn't every president in the like 20 years before the Civil war kind of suck? Wasn't one named Taylor?? The only thing William Henry Harrison did as President was die; surely that's worse than giving away a crap canal.

Let it go, Taylor. There are other canals for you to enjoy here in America. Right in your home state of Georgia you have the Augusta Canal, the Brunswick Altamaha, and the Savannah Ogeechee (among others). Time to move on. Let Panama have this one and leave Jimmy Carter alone.

Holy Wars

So excited to see next week's episode. I think that the level of religious sensitivity will be roughly equivalent to that Diversity Day episode of The Office. Go Jew Crew!

A Rough Diamond in the Rough

My new favorite kid on Kid's Nation is without a doubt Colton.  Check out his bio: 

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/kid_nation/bios/colton/

 

Reasons I Love Colton:

 

1.  He doesn't give a shit.  While most of the greedy little grubbers are out there trying to get that gold star, he is out there to be a kid.  He filled his jacket with flour and ran around letting it fly out the sleeves (I wish there was a youtube on this but there isn't).  Brilliant. But it's not like he tries to be naughty.  I think it just comes naturally to him.  Also check out his bio above.  Most kids did 4 different surveys on a bunch of topics.  Colton does one.

 

2.  He's focused.  This rough and tumble kid answered 12 questions for his bio.  8 of his answers had to do with football (if you count PE as football related, which I do) and the other four he probably couldn't work football into (ex.  "What are your political views?").  He wants to be a football player and it is all-consuming.  How often do you see that kind of determination in an 11 year old?  PS I also like that he is the only one who doesn't want to be an engineer or biochemist or world leader, or something equally boring for a little kid to want to be. 

 

3.  He gets stuff done.  How many Yellow Team kids caught a sheep?  ONE.  Colton caught all three sheep.  Taylor and her posse better start sucking up to him---I'm thinking he's going to be a power player later (decided lack of a gold star notwithstanding).

 

4.  There are about a million more reasons but I have to work now. 

 

 

If global warming is real, then why is it so cold in B-city?

This is the first post (of many) in which I spend way too much time reading the kids' surveys on cbs.com and reporting back the good stuff. Thanks Jana for telling me about these gems.

Today's topic: "global warming- fact or myth?"

Mallory thinks global warming is a myth. "God's in charge of our environment." Golden star!! Wait a minute, Olivia says global warming is real, "but it isn't huge". Olivia for the win. Whatever, those same parents will be getting a call either way. Also, I am shocked that her dad mentioned a school bus because I would've bet a year's merchant class salary that those kids were homeschooled.

I hate Alex for being 9 and knowing more about the Kyoto Treaty than I do. Also, Eric can quote Al Gore's movie in its entirety, but he's 14 so I'm not as impressed.

My next post will be about Jonbenet. I mean Taylor.

The Lawlessness of Bonanza City

So, it seems the producers of this amazing show are under attack for alleged child labor law violations.  http://www.realityblurred.com/realitytv/archives/kid_nation/2007_Aug_24_investigation_contract   While this claim brings back fond memories of Full House requiring a set of twins to play Michelle and not so fond memories of 7th Heaven letting both twins have roles (bad move, 7th Heaven), it offends me, in this case both personally and professionally.  As a lover of the show, I'm of course irrate at anyone who attacks it.  As a serious legal professional, I know that the bigger claim for child labor law violations should be slapped against whoever is responsible for spawning Greg.  With all this kid's experience, he must be holding down at least three full-time jobs outside of his budding reality TV career (I count PVC pipe layer, butcher, and shepard so far, based on his claims to date and we're only in Week 3).  So, New Mexico authorities, I deplore you to go after Father/Mother of Greg and leave the best hour of my week alone. 

 

Or if you're really looking for someone to nail, why not try Emilie's parents for violations of child labor laws?  They let her break wild stallions. 

a man needs his root beer

I guess if you leave 40 39 kids alone in the desert with access to a saloon, you'd better expect soda chugging contests and root beer car bombs. Especially when one of those 39 kids is Greg. Not that I blame him. If I worked as a butcher at the age of 14, I'd be hitting the root beer pretty hard too. The over 21 drinking age law should have an exception: if you know how to lay a sprinkler system AND can butcher a cow-- you get to drink. We will call it Greg's Law. But the driving age will stand at 16. The pioneer handbook has no tolerance for fake drunk driving.

My other favorite kid in this scene was Sophia. She chugged that soda like a champ. I bet that if they played root beer pong, Sophia would dominate. Greg's ski hat would obscure his vision, causing him to lose, and then he'd complain about other people violating some ridiculous rule that only he has heard of. Now that I think about it, I'm actually surprised they didn't bust out some drinking games. They could've played quarters pennies (love the cost of living in that town. 25 cents for a purse--sign me up!!). Maybe they did and it got edited out.

Love Laurel, but she is the girl at a party who is like "I LOVE YOU GUYS!! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!" and all her friends are like "not again". At least she was a part of the debauchery (excellent form on her root beer bomb).

More to come later since we are serious legal professionals and kinda busy.