I doubt there are many among you, avid readers, that were swayed by Becky's recent post in defense of Guylan, but just in case....
REASONS GUYLAN IS THE WORST:
10. BAD ANALOGIES. "Power is very difficult to handle. Power is like holding a cobra, one wrong move and it bites. However, if handled with care it can be a great asset and experience." Since when has holding a cobra ever been considered a great asset? The cobra itself is the asset, sure, and holding it might be a good experience, but that was just shitty phrasing.
9. RED SCARE. "Fidel Castro is a world leader that I admire"
8. WEIRD. "Do you have a favorite drink? Anything that sparkles." Sparkles? Like sparkling apple cider? You're 11 so that is pretty much the limit.
7. NERD. "Who are your best friends? Zach is a very good friend of mine. He and I play very complicated games that can take days." Like D&D? Magic the Gathering?
6. WIMP. "What would people be surprised to learn about you? I think that a lot of people would be surprised to learn that after being raised by two elephant trainers that I'm afraid of little spiders. Tarantulas don't bother me but little wolf spiders and daddy long-legs creep me out. However I don't go around killing them for no reason. Instead I run away screaming like a little girl." No, really?
5. I'm sure there are a million more but I'm out of time, being the serious legal professional that I am, so I'll just skip to....
The Number One reason Guylan is the worst: THAT STUPID WAY HE WEARS HIS BANDANA (see a few posts below).
