Jared Appreciation Day

I really don't blame the editors for including Jared as part of every subplot in this episode. Best kid!

Jared Highlights
- The matter-of-fact way in which he said "You know what, I wasn't the worst"
- He explained the cause of the dark ages
- Henry V!
- This quote re: GregandBlaine in dresses: "It takes a lot of talent to get up on stage and not show your fruit of the looms"
- The lollypop pimp cane's reappearance (and the vest!)
- The clip of him saying he was mad they didn't get the reward (this is a highlight b/c of the fact that they chose to show him here, even though he didn't say anything particularly hilarious, even though he was already in this episode 10x).

BONUS: Alex Highlights
- Talking about BCity's Paris and Nicole, and saying he didn't know what that means!
- The 18 random shots of him in a crowd (they showed him constantly!)
- His sunglasses
- His pep talk to Savannah and how he told her she is a contribution to Bonanza City. Cutest kid.

OK, fine, here are some other non Jared/Alex highlights
- Markelle's jaunty cap
- Kentucky Dinner (roadkill?)
- Colton's new mowhawk
- Campbell's bird calls (dedicated to his bird!!)

Also, did you guys notice how the producers used quarters instead of buffalo nickels in the gum ball challenge? Was this to make sure that no one pocketed a buffalo nickel?? First the padlocked ballot boxes and now this. NO TRUST!

Lax in my Duties

I know I haven't posted in a while.  I'm sorry. As you are all aware, I am serious legal professional and sometimes that takes up my time.  However, I recently evaluated my priorities and decided the blogging is one of them.  Expect more from me in the future.

 

In the meantime, I was SHOCKED to discover that some people outside our common facebook friends read this (see comments to my scathing review of Guylan).  While I stand by my opinions, I would like to add the following to my critique of the Town Councilmember:  Yes, anonymous, you are correct that at least he has the guts to go on the show. 

 

Note:  This blog is for entertainment purposes.  And it is entertaining.  If you don't like our opinions (in the words of Taylor)  DEAL WITH IT. 

Someone made a kid nation drinking game!!!

I am always really glad to see that we are not the only 4 normal adults who appreciate the brilliance of this show. The Kid Nation Drinking Game gives me faith in humanity.

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2007/11/kid_nation_the_drinking_game

Those kids really are always mentioning George Bush! Sophia is always telling it like it is! And I think there are at least 15 kids who haven't spoken yet.

Anyway, we totally have to do this. I think we need to add in something about Pharoah to get Julie to participate. Also, I am going to drink anytime the following things happen:

- Greg shows his softer side (like by wearing a dress!)
- Mike adds 14 extra syllables to a word
- Kelsey fails to correctly conjugate a verb
- Nathan exhibits signs of OCD
- Any kid wears his/her bandana in a way we haven't seen before (hopefully Guylan will come through on this one)
- Kelsey tries to be someone else's sidekick (she has already tried and failed with Taylor and Divad)

Mo Money, Mo Problems

So, the contrived theme of this week's episode was money. The town council found a treasure chest, aka "$18.50 worth of greed." Knowing that the kids would just "blow it all on stupid things," the TC decided to buy necessities, like a guitar and some kites. Um, ok.

I want a goose to lay golden eggs for Easter....
Two things about the showdown: the red team needs to stop making serious tactical errors and the host doesn't know the definition of money laundering. Poor guy is probs developmentally disabled and getting paid $2 a day to host this shit. That's FORTY NICKELS.

Side note: why can't Kelsey conjugate verbs or tell the difference b/w nouns and verbs or do whatever it is she can't do? This week's quote: "He was trying to competing." Maybe instead of spending all her time trying desperately to be someone's sidekick, she should read a book. I think I know where she can find a bible. Or maybe she can read something else, because we all know she doesn't know a lot about Muslim or Jewish.

The Bill Gates of Bonanza City

Finally someone formed a legitimate business. Previous entrepreneurial schemes, such as Sophia's street dancing, Mallory's doll sitting, and The Kind Potato Girl's reselling of free food were not impressive. But HOLY BANANA BREAD, selling necklaces was an awesome idea. Jared walking around with his new duds and lollypop pimp cane was the best part of this episode. Well, that and all the crazy shit he said, such as "there's a bonfire in my pocket and it's burning to be spent." Jared never disappoints. Did y'all catch him flashing the peace sign?

Also, shoutout to Alex for continuing to be the cutest kid. That clip of him screaming was beyond adorable. So what if his logic is a little wacky--- that kid rules.

Reasons Guylan is the Worst

I doubt there are many among you, avid readers, that were swayed by Becky's recent post in defense of Guylan, but just in case....

 

REASONS GUYLAN IS THE WORST: 

 

10.  BAD ANALOGIES.  "Power is very difficult to handle. Power is like holding a cobra, one wrong move and it bites. However, if handled with care it can be a great asset and experience."  Since when has holding a cobra ever been considered a great asset? The cobra itself is the asset, sure, and holding it might be a good experience, but that was just shitty phrasing.   

 

9.  RED SCARE.  "Fidel Castro is a world leader that I admire"

 

8.  WEIRD.  "Do you have a favorite drink? Anything that sparkles."  Sparkles?  Like sparkling apple cider?  You're 11 so that is pretty much the limit. 

 

7.  NERD.  "Who are your best friends? Zach is a very good friend of mine. He and I play very complicated games that can take days."  Like D&D? Magic the Gathering?

 

6.  WIMP.  "What would people be surprised to learn about you? I think that a lot of people would be surprised to learn that after being raised by two elephant trainers that I'm afraid of little spiders. Tarantulas don't bother me but little wolf spiders and daddy long-legs creep me out. However I don't go around killing them for no reason. Instead I run away screaming like a little girl."  No, really? 

 

5.  I'm sure there are a million more but I'm out of time, being the serious legal professional that I am, so I'll just skip to....

 

The Number One reason Guylan is the worst:  THAT STUPID WAY HE WEARS HIS BANDANA (see a few posts below). 

 

Weak Links

Obviously GregAndBlaine are a force to be reckoned with. And some nerd challenges let the nerds shine. But what I don't get is why the kids are so bad at recognizing their weak links and not letting them mess everything up. In this week's challenge, the red team sent Emily as their first person to look for the cans. WHY? She is obvs not going to be that good at it. Maybe she told them that she also tames wild pigs? So yeah, these kids are never going to build a town if they keep making such poor choices.

1880s technology

What is the point of that over-the-neck water carrier contraption that looks like a guillotine? It still only holds two normal buckets, the same that two hands could hold, and it ends up causing way more spills. Inefficient. They use it every episode. This picture is from two weeks ago, but I definitely spotted it last night.

This is almost as bad as the "frontier microwave" (which has never been shown since that fateful decision) or the old-tyme phone used to spread the news that 1-6 children can now go to college. I thought the journal was my least favorite thing, but now I have decided that I hate that ridiculous phone even more.

Crying Nation

Wasn't it sweet that everyone cried when DK said he was leaving, even cold-hearted Olivia who then had to console her child (Mallory). Other criers included Taylor, 2 kids I have never seen before, Leila (what else is new! she cries approx. 8 times an episode) and yeah basically everyone (except Colton probably).

Commemorative Buffalo Nickel #6: That fauhawk kid splayed across the barrel after a freak soda fight accident.

Point/Counterpoint: A Defense of Guylan

He is not awful, he is just weird in a home schooled way. Also, he lived on a zoo! That has to mess you up. His only friends were zebras and tiger cubs-- cut him some slack. He is not used to being around kids, so he didn't know that it is ok to not be great at digging a ditch when you are 11.

I totally agree with you about Anjay though. In fact, here is a list of ways Anjay embarrassed himself in this episode:
- Getting called out by Sophia for letting the girls do all the work
- Lame fight with Taylor. Someone arrest him for false imprisonment and/or teach him how to fight.
- The quote about his bones, obviously.
- He always looked like he was about to throw up